millennial nerd bertie wooster for some reason
Anonymous asked:
matt and foggy in college: matt, a a good catholic boy who has not partaken in the decils lettuce, foggy, not a stoner by any means, but practiced, foggy gets matt high and he's a lightweight! hilarious! that is.... until matt gives in to his urge to kiss foggy right on the mouth and high sex is best sex for fumbling college students
returnsandreturns answered:
i’m going to post this with whatever i can write with my laptop at 5% before it dies:
“What are you laughing at?” Foggy asks, ruffling Matt’s hair and attempting to just live in this moment with Matt’s face buried in his shoulder, one arm wrapped around Foggy so they’re basically cuddling.
“I…don’t actually know,” Matt says, lifting his head to smile at him.
“You having fun, lightweight?” Foggy asks.
“Am I being stupid?” Matt asks.
“No,” Foggy says, immediately. “You’re being adorable.”
“Adorable,” Matt repeats, softly.
“…or whatever word isn’t a weird thing to say to your roommate,” Foggy says, laughing nervously, starting to move and gasping when Matt clumsily moves so he’s straddling his lap. His fingers clench on Foggy’s shoulders and his face is pink and Foggy is also pretty high so his brain can’t decide what’s about to happen. Because Matt could be about to murder him. He’s pretty annoying and he can’t seem to stop hitting on him and this would be the perfect way to distract him before trying to strangle him and–
“I’m gonna do something stupid,” Matt murmurs, determined, immediately taking Foggy’s face in his hands instead and leaning down to kiss him.
“Holy shit,” Foggy says.
“You want that, right?” Matt asks, eyes wide and pupils blown, outrageously pretty up close like this. “You keep telling me I’m hot and that’s–I mean, I normally want to kiss people when I think they’re hot. Does that make sense?”
“…do you think I’m hot?” Foggy asks, before he can help himself.
“Foggy,” Matt says, laughing again, waiting to catch his breath before he continues, “I think you’re so hot.”
“Jesus Christ, I should have peer pressured you into doing drugs with me ages ago,” Foggy says, lifting up enough to tip Matt backwards so he falls onto his back with a soft oof. Foggy gets a flash of another loopy smile before Matt immediately reaches up to grab him and pull him down on top of him.
Everybody sings little songs to their pets about how cute they are but my dog can’t hear shit I just be singing booming dwarven chants right in her face and she’s so happy about it
I forgot that the cat can hear shit
Was the paralelism deliberate?
sometimes i realize not everyone lives so deep in the comic book rabbithole as i do. they dont even know about superman and lex luthors biological son-clone thing. they dont even know there's more than one robin in batman. they dont even know the third one is canon bisexual and dating some guy named bernard. they dont know about batmans kids.
you guys dont even know about the hero with top surgery scars shown on page. they dont even know about batmans penis!!!!!!!!!!!!
image description: an edited version of xkcd's comic "average familiarity." two stick figures are having a discussion. the one on the left says "comics is so second nature to us comic autists so it's easy to forget that the average person only knows about superman's son with lex luthor and one or two of batman's children." the stick figure on the right adds "and his penis of course." and the one on the left replies "of course." it is captioned, "even when they're trying to compensate for it, experts in anything wildly overestimate the average person's familiarity with their field." end description.
